My world is grown numb
My heart aches
For the war has gone long
My heart wants only to
Lay down its arms
But how can I give in
Without first seeing you
And knowing you will understand?
~I fear my heart has already given up
Would the sight of your lovely eyes
Would the feel of your honey hair
Would the taste of your lips
Or the feel of your arms about me
Be enough to draw me
Away from the brink?
My chest is heavy
My eyes bleeding orbs,
~Empty of tears
~My wounds un-healing
Will the warmth of your embrace
Will your soft beautiful voice...?
Will you...
Will you still love me?
Despite all I’ve done
In this long exhausting war?
I have been so long afield
I often wonder if you're there
Do you ken I yet live?
That I try to reach you?
Have they told you I surviv?
That I return to you?
Or do you visit my grave...
An empty box marked with a name
I still own?
~I fear to tell you what I've seen
Have you spoken to others
Who have been to the fire?
Who stood tall before our flag
~and huddled against the barrage?
Who cleared the bodies from the fields?
I am coming home
Please wait...
Please, please say you still love me,
That you want me
That you will comfort me and
Help me to heal
To Become once more
The man you once loved
I have dreamt of you~
While we tore away the debris
Carried away the bodies
I have walked a waking dream
Of cloud and dust
And could not have survived
Otherwise without you there
Please tell me you're still there
That you still love me
Still want me
For I think my heart would otherwise break
I would rather die here
On my way back to you
Than to find no love in your eyes
At the end of my road
Please say you still love
That you want me still
That you dream of me as well
Say you can give me these things
And I will be saved
My heart could then beat
With renewed strength of purpose
And I could live again
Live for you
Belong to you and no one else
Ever again
Please say I am still yours
That you are still mine
My love
My soul
My reason for living
ELAshley
September 12, 2001
Visualizing what has come,
Anticipating what is coming
July's Nuclear Dream
The sky was once blue
Now its a gray ashy hue
And its burned on the memories
Of everyone I knew
Gone are the abbeys
The parks and the bars
Gone all discussions
Of Venus and Mars
Everyone's gone
Or near enough, anyway
Time to start over
If I can just find a way
Did we really think heaven
Would forgive us this day
Or forgive us tomorrow
Have you nothing to say?
Silent as a tombstone
And dead as the sky
Who's now left to ponder
Our dream's dying sigh
Cause I can't find a reason
Or an answer just the same
Why I should stand here living
Amid the dead and the flame
Color me pessimistic
Color me a fool
Things could be better
Wading my feet in the pool
Where the bodies lie floating
Or to the bottom submerge
While the shrill keen of missiles
Sing their hideous dirge
I'm just hoping for something
Some substance I cannot see
Looking for the evidence
Of a greater faith in me
Only I can stop this
I could awaken from this dream
Beat my sword into a plowshare
Cast my fears into the stream
And let the waters carry them
To rivers and to seas
Give my life to understanding
to flowers and to bees
Show the world I love them
Not in word but in deed
For there is nothing in these weapons
We should ever want or need
ELAshley
071211.112535.1
Revisions:
032612.092530.1
Now its a gray ashy hue
And its burned on the memories
Of everyone I knew
Gone are the abbeys
The parks and the bars
Gone all discussions
Of Venus and Mars
Everyone's gone
Or near enough, anyway
Time to start over
If I can just find a way
Did we really think heaven
Would forgive us this day
Or forgive us tomorrow
Have you nothing to say?
Silent as a tombstone
And dead as the sky
Who's now left to ponder
Our dream's dying sigh
Cause I can't find a reason
Or an answer just the same
Why I should stand here living
Amid the dead and the flame
Color me pessimistic
Color me a fool
Things could be better
Wading my feet in the pool
Where the bodies lie floating
Or to the bottom submerge
While the shrill keen of missiles
Sing their hideous dirge
I'm just hoping for something
Some substance I cannot see
Looking for the evidence
Of a greater faith in me
Only I can stop this
I could awaken from this dream
Beat my sword into a plowshare
Cast my fears into the stream
And let the waters carry them
To rivers and to seas
Give my life to understanding
to flowers and to bees
Show the world I love them
Not in word but in deed
For there is nothing in these weapons
We should ever want or need
ELAshley
071211.112535.1
Revisions:
032612.092530.1
Another Song
Broken
Broken in two
The sky full of blue
Sun shining brightly
On the day I lost you
Heavy as a cloud in the sky
Light as the tears burning in my eye
I'm broken in two
Nothing left to do
But say goodbye
Broken in two
Thought you loved me too
Thought your heart yearned for me
The way I yearn for you
Every bird in its high high tree
Sings a dirge for the heart in me
Broken in two
Nothing left to do
But weep and cry
If my heart were an ocean
There'd be nothing you could do
Oceans can't be broken
They're not in love with you
And if I weren't so tangled
In all the pain you left behind
Perhaps I could forgive you
But you don't care either way, so...
Never mind
Broken in two
I'm broken, it's true
Tomorrow I'll forget you
Or in a year, maybe two
I could take some time to lick my wounds
Try to get my heart strings back in tune
But today I feel broken
With nothing left to do, but
Weep and cry
If my heart were an ocean
There'd be nothing you could do (to me)
Oceans can't be broken
They're not in love with you
And if I weren't so torn and tangled
In the pains you smugly left behind
Perhaps I could forgive you
But you won't care either way
So never mind
Tomorrow I'll forget you
Or in a year or maybe two
But today I'm still broken
Nothing more I can say but...
Goodbye
Goodbye
We were two
Now I'm one
Goodbye
ELAshley
062811.1048.6
Revisions
062911.090545.1
Broken in two
The sky full of blue
Sun shining brightly
On the day I lost you
Heavy as a cloud in the sky
Light as the tears burning in my eye
I'm broken in two
Nothing left to do
But say goodbye
Broken in two
Thought you loved me too
Thought your heart yearned for me
The way I yearn for you
Every bird in its high high tree
Sings a dirge for the heart in me
Broken in two
Nothing left to do
But weep and cry
If my heart were an ocean
There'd be nothing you could do
Oceans can't be broken
They're not in love with you
And if I weren't so tangled
In all the pain you left behind
Perhaps I could forgive you
But you don't care either way, so...
Never mind
Broken in two
I'm broken, it's true
Tomorrow I'll forget you
Or in a year, maybe two
I could take some time to lick my wounds
Try to get my heart strings back in tune
But today I feel broken
With nothing left to do, but
Weep and cry
If my heart were an ocean
There'd be nothing you could do (to me)
Oceans can't be broken
They're not in love with you
And if I weren't so torn and tangled
In the pains you smugly left behind
Perhaps I could forgive you
But you won't care either way
So never mind
Tomorrow I'll forget you
Or in a year or maybe two
But today I'm still broken
Nothing more I can say but...
Goodbye
Goodbye
We were two
Now I'm one
Goodbye
ELAshley
062811.1048.6
Revisions
062911.090545.1
An Affair Over Tea
Un Peu Poésie Légère
(A Little Light Poetry)
I came for the tea,
said I. And she
with eyes like kohl
in diamond lit dew
smiled. Whereas we,
'neath lush camellia tree,
sojourn singly, the soul
of this deep amber brew,
bids us sit. The bowl,
to its subtle brim,
where ripples swim
sings, 'drink deep of me.'
Our cups is empty
said I. Then she
lips blush like figs
bright softly wet,
On this lets agree...
I'll fill you, if you fill me;
my soft petals to your stout sprig!
Our engagement now set,
'forget the din,' * quoth she
Then plunging ladle deep and up
smoothly filled my empty cup
singing, 'Drink deep of me.'
I came for thy tea!
Spoke I. And she
cup shy to tongue
and a tilt to her gaze
Answer now, I challenge thee...
Lovest thou my heart more than tea?
For though we are yet young
wilt thou love me all my days?
Stay thy cup! Thy troth unsung!
'Neath stars, moon, sun, camellia bowers
pledge thou me thy love's endless hours?
Ne'er tiring to drink deeply of me?
Of thee, thy tea?
Asked I. And she
'Yes' in her eyes,
Come drink of me
of mine own heady brew!
You sing to me, and I'll to you
of our lives desires
'neath the circling sun!
And I smiled, filled with its fires
I would that our cups never empty
that your lips soft and chastely
ever desire to drink deep of me!
I came for the tea!
She said. And she,
a dapple of sun
on her soft silk brow,
smiled, I would drink thee
daily, nightly, bold and lightly
Oolong, White, Matcha, Pu'er
hot, cool or chill,
where'er you lay
And her lips kissed the brim of her porcelain cup
brow softly down, her eyes looking up
Come, drink only of me!
For an age of me!
Forever of me!
Come, my love, let's tea!
ELAshley
062411.044007.6
Revisions:
091211.105641.1
102011.125103.6 [including last two stanzas]
020316.030827.6
-----
* "Tea is drunk to forget the din of the world."
--T'ien Yiheng
50,000 words -- "Eternus Bellum" Part 1
"We have the upper hand," she said matter-of-factly. She had said as much half a dozen times in the span of half an hour. The other two didn't bother to comment.
"Come on," she urged, "we have more men. We can take them." You could hear her frustration; her patience with the others seeming inability to make a decision long past metaphorical midnight. There were nine of them hunkered down in the hole and only six of them; six assholes trying to get away from yesterday's rather successful sortie-- though not so successful in that they were stuck down in the town's square behind a dead and mangled tractor.
Deacon turned away from his view of the square. "What makes you so sure?" he asked, with just a touch of impatience all his own crept in.
She raised her hand and ticked off a finger... "There's only six of them, and they've been hunkered down behind that wreck for near the whole day." She ticked another finger. "They're out of ammo, or they're holding on to what little they have left." Another finger. "They've got no reinforcements coming." ...another... " and, Mason wants us to wait."
"Then we should wait," Malice replied from across the hole. Deacon turned back to his view of the square and echoed Malice, "we should wait."
"Wait for Mason 'cause he wants the medal? Or wait for Mason 'cause you're too chicken shit to step out?" She said, hushed and scornful. "Which is it Deacon?"
Deacon sighed. Not the long heavy kind, but the short impatient variety. "Those assholes took out a mess with more'n three-hundred soldiers... armed soldiers. And they did it with under ten men. Those assholes may or may not be out of ammo and, frankly, I'm not trading my ass on slab for a worthless medal should those six assholes prove just as crack cornered as they were yesterday at ten."
He looked away from the crumpled tractor and studied her for a moment. "You can go get your ass handed to you if you want. I won't stop you; frankly, I'm tired of you. But if you get it handed to you, and we lose the field... If you get out alive, Mason will kick your ass across seven hells of white-hot fury. And when he does, Hanna, don’t come bitchin' at me. Don't come bitchin' at any of us. Better yet, don’t come back. 'Cause if you’re stupid enough to go it alone, you’re stupid enough, sooner or later, to get the rest of us killed." Deacon turned his focus back to the wreck in the square and the occasional peep of helmet over its jagged summit.
"Glory isn't something any soldier should court, Hanna," said Jeckle. "Glory's for songs and regaling the past. Men live in the present. Time enough to live in the past when you’re dead." Jeckle was a scarecrow of a man, wiry and tough as sinew. He looked gaunt and half dead already, and only his eyes gave anyone reason to believe him still among the living. They assumed a constant fever glow; a spark of something hot, something either insane or dangerous. Or both.
[524]
ELAshley
050511.032707.6
"Come on," she urged, "we have more men. We can take them." You could hear her frustration; her patience with the others seeming inability to make a decision long past metaphorical midnight. There were nine of them hunkered down in the hole and only six of them; six assholes trying to get away from yesterday's rather successful sortie-- though not so successful in that they were stuck down in the town's square behind a dead and mangled tractor.
Deacon turned away from his view of the square. "What makes you so sure?" he asked, with just a touch of impatience all his own crept in.
She raised her hand and ticked off a finger... "There's only six of them, and they've been hunkered down behind that wreck for near the whole day." She ticked another finger. "They're out of ammo, or they're holding on to what little they have left." Another finger. "They've got no reinforcements coming." ...another... " and, Mason wants us to wait."
"Then we should wait," Malice replied from across the hole. Deacon turned back to his view of the square and echoed Malice, "we should wait."
"Wait for Mason 'cause he wants the medal? Or wait for Mason 'cause you're too chicken shit to step out?" She said, hushed and scornful. "Which is it Deacon?"
Deacon sighed. Not the long heavy kind, but the short impatient variety. "Those assholes took out a mess with more'n three-hundred soldiers... armed soldiers. And they did it with under ten men. Those assholes may or may not be out of ammo and, frankly, I'm not trading my ass on slab for a worthless medal should those six assholes prove just as crack cornered as they were yesterday at ten."
He looked away from the crumpled tractor and studied her for a moment. "You can go get your ass handed to you if you want. I won't stop you; frankly, I'm tired of you. But if you get it handed to you, and we lose the field... If you get out alive, Mason will kick your ass across seven hells of white-hot fury. And when he does, Hanna, don’t come bitchin' at me. Don't come bitchin' at any of us. Better yet, don’t come back. 'Cause if you’re stupid enough to go it alone, you’re stupid enough, sooner or later, to get the rest of us killed." Deacon turned his focus back to the wreck in the square and the occasional peep of helmet over its jagged summit.
"Glory isn't something any soldier should court, Hanna," said Jeckle. "Glory's for songs and regaling the past. Men live in the present. Time enough to live in the past when you’re dead." Jeckle was a scarecrow of a man, wiry and tough as sinew. He looked gaunt and half dead already, and only his eyes gave anyone reason to believe him still among the living. They assumed a constant fever glow; a spark of something hot, something either insane or dangerous. Or both.
[524]
ELAshley
050511.032707.6
Id Dimitte
Every kind, cruel word
That hangs in the air
Write them all down
Sign your nom de guerre
Best not repeat
All the things that she said
Give them no room
On pillow or bed
Turn ~ Turn away
From the song of her ire
Take the page you have written
Lay it on the fire
Best not remember
Forgive if you can
Let wave and surf
Pull it from your hand
The sum of her words
You will never be
Let them all go
And you are free
ELAshley
041211.025921.6
Revisions:
041911.103651.1
051711.050303.6 (redraft of last 4 lines)
That hangs in the air
Write them all down
Sign your nom de guerre
Best not repeat
All the things that she said
Give them no room
On pillow or bed
Turn ~ Turn away
From the song of her ire
Take the page you have written
Lay it on the fire
Best not remember
Forgive if you can
Let wave and surf
Pull it from your hand
The sum of her words
You will never be
Let them all go
And you are free
ELAshley
041211.025921.6
Revisions:
041911.103651.1
051711.050303.6 (redraft of last 4 lines)
Capulet
I've got a headache. The kind that shoots spears of blinding pain down the muscles of the neck and back. It's a vice that seems to know but one direction. Headaches, for me, cause everything else to grind to a near standstill.
I wrote a poem once, while in the beginning throes of a migraine. As short as it is, it still took more than an hour to get right.
This time around my inspiration came not from the headache, but from a single word which caught my eye while scanning a random page of text... That word?
Capulet
Capulet sing
To the morning sun
Of all the things you haven't yet done
Ask him to stay
A little long 'neath the cover
Give you more time
Alone with your lover
Capulet sing
Capulet sing
To the dark starry night
Sing of the things you haven't got right
Ask them to shine
A little long in the sky
Give you and your lover
More time for goodbye
Capulet sing
Soft-throated murmurs
And sighs on the bed
Clasped and fervent
To the boy you have wed
Oh, Capulet sing
Of eyes deep and burnished
Tongues steeped in honey-sweet dew
Your lips on the curves
Of your dear Montague
Oh Capulet sing
Poison and daggers
Are terrible things
Sing and let go
Without fear or doubt
To your sweet Montague
Unstained and devout
Sing Juliet and maybe you'll see
A life beyond whispers
And cold rosary
Capulet sing
To the cold fates of love
Pray to the God who watches above
For Romeo rises
And Mercury too
Tumult and Tybalt
By the hand of your dear Montague
Oh, Capulet sing
Soft-throated murmurs
And sighs on the bed
Clasped and fervent
To the man you have wed
Oh, Capulet sing
Of dreams for the future
Love unembattled and true
Your lips on the breast
Of your dear Montague
Oh, Capulet sing
Capulet ring
Capulet love
Till the morning takes wing
Oh, Capulet love
Oh, Capulet sing
Daggers and poisons
Are terrible things
ELAshley
033111.110726.1 / .113625.1
Revisions:
041211.031831.6
This is more of a song and, as is rarely the case, I actually have a melody for it-- I already know the chords, I know notes of the whistle between chorus and verse. The poem/song is what's called an aubade. The tune 'Save Tonight' by Eagle Eye Cherry, is a fine example of an aubade.
I wrote a poem once, while in the beginning throes of a migraine. As short as it is, it still took more than an hour to get right.
This time around my inspiration came not from the headache, but from a single word which caught my eye while scanning a random page of text... That word?
Capulet
Capulet sing
To the morning sun
Of all the things you haven't yet done
Ask him to stay
A little long 'neath the cover
Give you more time
Alone with your lover
Capulet sing
Capulet sing
To the dark starry night
Sing of the things you haven't got right
Ask them to shine
A little long in the sky
Give you and your lover
More time for goodbye
Capulet sing
Soft-throated murmurs
And sighs on the bed
Clasped and fervent
To the boy you have wed
Oh, Capulet sing
Of eyes deep and burnished
Tongues steeped in honey-sweet dew
Your lips on the curves
Of your dear Montague
Oh Capulet sing
Poison and daggers
Are terrible things
Sing and let go
Without fear or doubt
To your sweet Montague
Unstained and devout
Sing Juliet and maybe you'll see
A life beyond whispers
And cold rosary
Capulet sing
To the cold fates of love
Pray to the God who watches above
For Romeo rises
And Mercury too
Tumult and Tybalt
By the hand of your dear Montague
Oh, Capulet sing
Soft-throated murmurs
And sighs on the bed
Clasped and fervent
To the man you have wed
Oh, Capulet sing
Of dreams for the future
Love unembattled and true
Your lips on the breast
Of your dear Montague
Oh, Capulet sing
Capulet ring
Capulet love
Till the morning takes wing
Oh, Capulet love
Oh, Capulet sing
Daggers and poisons
Are terrible things
ELAshley
033111.110726.1 / .113625.1
Revisions:
041211.031831.6
This is more of a song and, as is rarely the case, I actually have a melody for it-- I already know the chords, I know notes of the whistle between chorus and verse. The poem/song is what's called an aubade. The tune 'Save Tonight' by Eagle Eye Cherry, is a fine example of an aubade.
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