Vir Res Trunco

I gravitate between two poles
One of excess, one of denial
And have learned the center, that perfect between
Is both greatest reward and darkest trial
I would stand at the center
If the center would but hold
All efforts put forth in containing that eye
Leave me weak, inconsolable ~ my tears untolled

ELAshley
032510.095026.1
a bit of bad poetry, I know

Mary (Go Ahead and Cry)

I hesitate to post this, but. I may be shy when it comes to the opposite sex, but I'm not all that shy about sharing my thoughts to those who'll listen. And since no one is listening...

I have the melody, and these are the lyrics.


Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Will you marry
Mary will you
Marry your friend
And love to the end?
Mary will you

Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh
Will you bury
Mary will you
Bury your loves
With the angels above
Mary will you

Carry your heart
In the bag on your shoulder
Collecting your tears
In every 'I love you' you told her
Don't cry...
Mary don't cry
Though they are gone, you know this isn't goodbye

Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Will you love me
Mary will you
Love who I become
In all of Autumn's setting suns
Mary will you

Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Will you hold me
Mary will you
Hold me as I lay dying
In my dying breath sighing
Mary will you

Hold in your heart
In the bag on your shoulder
Every prayer on your rosary
The Hail Marys your prayed to her
Don't weep
Oh, Mary you're weeping
They're not gone, they are only sleeping

Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Will you marry me
Mary will you
Marry your friend
And love to the end
Mary will you
~For better for worse

Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Mary I'm with you
Never will leave you
Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Mary I love you
My whole heart and life breaks for you
Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Mary I'm here, go ahead and cry

(Repeat to End)
Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh,
Go ahead and cry

(Very End)
I'm here, and not going anywhere


ELAshley
031610.090326.6
Revisions
031710.100526.1


It may seem I presume too much, but I don't write for myself. I only imagine the pain I would feel were I wearing different shoes. It is not my voice that sings. But my sorrow for her is real.

In the Moment

They appear as threads
in the hackneyed tapestry
New, their life and end unfathomed
these moments when eyes first meet
hands first touch
lips first brush
And like that spark struck
burn quickly out
     ~the moment gone
Defined as the space between the when
of eyes meeting and parting
hands touching and parting
lips brushing and parting
Time is the beggar within these little ages
holding out its hand for more primacy
But it is Impression which sits upon
these thrones of relevance
Each new thread in our hackneyed tapestries
is experienced not in time
but in Impression
     ~duration goes hungry here
Moments are fleeting and singularly unique
Moments are texture
in the tapestry of our lives
Eyes see what hands feel what lips soon forget


ELAshley
031110.084502.1
Revisions:
031110.045926.6
031110.055152.6

a bit of unfinished verse...

While in a fit of organizational fervor, I found this snippet of verse in my desk...

Tremble she said
And tremble she did
for the dreams she staid
And the desires she hid
And did ne'er reveal

Where it was to go from there, I cannot say. I can't even tell you when exactly it was written, only circa November 2009 - January 2010... somewhere in there.

Running Out of Ways

You are the golden path
The scents of jasmine and clove
The taste of berries succulent and dew
Naked in the tamarind grove
Dark and glistening 'neath the hems of Summer's few
We are golden in our desires
In all the garments we've wove

We are threshing floor embers
The fires of fullness and rising
Of warm summer starlings and lilies and crocus
Of naked lusts disguising
The weft and warp of which our love bespoke us
We are golden and spent like breath
And in those garments drowsing

You are the brush of silk
Over taut skin in arousal
The fires of femininity, and pear
~ Succulently coital
Sweet and moist every long limbed strand of honey hair
We are golden in our desires
Attired in love's apparel

We dress in the setting sun
'Neath a wakening of stars above
Feasts of body following feasts of flesh
~ I the strong hand and thee the soft glove
Submerging to cleanse and arising afresh
Golden again in our nightly throes
We are running out of ways to say we love

And delight in loving


ELAshley
030410.052626.6
Revisions:
030510.044102.6
030510.045216.6

Afire For You

Afire For You

I- I've been alone long, and a dreamer
For most of my life
Though I desire soft clean linens I'll still
Sleep in the desert tonight
Another night of tossing and turning
Another night of sleeping alone
And when the morning light comes to find me
Though every hour spent trying to atone
I'm still very much alone

II- Chasing sleep down long corridors
Seems that's all I ever do
All I'm ever left with come daybreak
Are my fitful dreams of you
Another night beneath the cold desert sky
Another night of sleeping alone
Every morning that comes only serving to remind me
Despite every hour spent trying to atone
I'm still very much alone

O, And how I've wandered
How I've carried this torch for you
Never looked in your eyes, never made to ponder
How my love for you strengthened and grew
Though I be cut to the bone
And suffer to atone
I'll always be very much alone

III- When I close my eyes and dream of you
While sleeping deeply through this night
The moon wheeling 'cross a glittering sky
And making love til the morning light
How do you leave the bed you've made with love
Shoulder your pack and continue to roam?
'Cause I've spent my life, all my sins to atone
Yet I'm still very much alone

O, And how I've wandered
How I've carried this torch for you
Never looked in your eyes, never kissed your soft smile
Yet my love for you strengthened and grew
Though I be cut to the bone
Giving my life to atone
I'll still be very much alone

If there's an angel set to observe me
Dogging my e-ver-y step
Could he have not seen fit
To lead me out of the desert
And into your loving arms?
O, Into your loving arms

With my heart on fire for you
My heart afire for you



ELAshley
Part I - 010210.11>.6
Part II - 010410.11>.6
Part III - 010810.11>.6
Revisions:
011210.111002.6

This was written for someone specific, though I do not yet know her name.

As She Held My Hand

I dreamt last night she held my hand
and it was as if the world caught fire
though the conflagration grew she did not let go
and i beheld her
as she held my hand

She was a sun and my heart caught
in a timeless ring ~ ever pure and without end
the hairs upon my skin stood with new awareness
as i beheld her
her hand in mine

Her smile soft and contentedly pleased
opened windows long sealed curtained and dim
my heart like a box unlocked and opened at last
to behold her
and her hand in mine

Is there gold or honey left in the world
for all the sweetness and light of her pretty soft hair
or turquoise remaining for the blue in her eyes
as her i beheld
and her holding my hand?

The feel of her, the touch of her
the endless and momentary sense of knowing for true
no vision could more rival perfection
than the loveliness i beheld
she holding my hand


Do i think, do i dwell too much upon a dream?
or do i reach, eyes still filled with morning sands
        for flesh and blood? for her?

I must, or be a fool
For i dreamt last night she held my hand
and why should dreams not desire her as well?


ELAshley
123109.115826.6
As my muse she would be amused
should she ever read these silly lines

Who Loved Me (And Let Me Go)

Oh how I miss you
How I miss your loving arms
How I miss the thought of you
The very sight of you
Who loved me long ago

Oh how I cherish you
How I cherish the memory of soft skin
Cherish the very thought of you
The very warmth of you
Who loved me then let me go

When all of this is done
When the world is gone away
Our world beneath a dying sun
My heart and soul written in the stars
Forever of you will say
How you broke my heart
Tore my soul apart
Left me to wander
A stone skipping cross
The blacknesses of time

              ...

Oh how I desire you
Desire your long forgotten kiss
How I desire the memory of you
The very picture of you
Who loved me but let me go

When all of this is done
When the world is gone away
Our world beneath a dying sun
My heart and soul written in the stars
Forever of you will say
How you broke my heart
Tore my soul apart
And left me to wander
A stone skipping cross
The blacknesses of time

Oh how I weep for you
For all of time mourn you
Desire you
Miss you
Cherish you
Sweet Mary Angel
Oh how I love you


ELAshley
111709.064430.6
No matter how bad it is, I will not revise it. Ever.

Something Really Bad

Moving through the eastern sun
I saw you first upwind of tomorrow
Hands caressing the long tall grasses
Heart swung knells of bells you rung
For all tomorrow's sorrow
And here I am wanting, wishing too
For early morning and morning dew
Wanting and wishing only for you

I caught you in the noonward tides
Sun above, beginning to fall
Embraced you in these arms of summer
Raim'd in love and light besides
And dreams we swore, nor did forestall
Now here I am wanting, and wishing too
I'd caught you in the morning
   ~Made love upon the dewy dew
No more wishing, but wanting of you

The pipers in the trees
Orchestrating accompaniments
To the rhythm of our cries
Perfect echo to our sighs
Safe in long tall grasses
Away from all their prying eyes
Something really bad could happen
Were it not for our many allies

Sun falls swiftly in the sky
Shadows threshing our lover's bed
Our dewy bower in sepias warm
Where long tall grasses yet lie
Where love, life and promise wed
Yet here we still are wanting, wishing too
We could see again the morning
   ~Make love upon the early dew
Ever wanting and wishing for you
   ~You for me
Ever wanting and wishing for you and
You for me
Ever wanting and wishing forever for you
And you for me
Wishing again to be

Pipers in the trees
Orchestrating accompaniments
To the rhythm of our sries
Perfect echo to our cries
Safe in the tall grasses
Away from all of their prying eyes
Something untoward might very well happen
Were it not for all our many allies
Here in the tall tall grass
Ever wanting or wishing for you, and
You for me
Ever wanting and wishing for you, and
You for me
Ever wanting and wishing forever for you
And you for me
Wishing again that we might be
Again


ELAshley
110309.111456.6
Revisions:
110309.104203.6
110409.031117.6





I'd like to think there was a melody in my head while I wrote, but rarely is this the case. And I know it's not a particularly inspiring title, but for now it is what it is. Perhaps I'll change it... but not today.

I listened to David Gray's Babylon (Live) throughout this effort, and was written for a specific someone I do not presently wish to name...

If you want it
Come and get it...
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Of Troves Bright and Golden

It is a small thing
A golden peal, a sunlit ring
Trumpets, harps, and harpers sing
Whose grace should ever encircle one finger
Where promise and beauty forever should linger
Within two hearts 'a bed
In linens white and purity's red
Of sureties, promise, the soft petal's led
To the altar where vows are made golden
Like rings ~ circles wherein lives are beholden
Each to the other's trove
Precious, rare, great riches of love
The pearl for which two hearts long strove
Now balanced ~ two rings, two lives joined as one
What great love! One flesh 'neath eternal sun

Yet these are small things
Clutched 'neath linens upon a marriage bed
The troves to which two hearts are wed
Two bright, golden, peerless rings


ELAshley
102009.125107.1
Revisions:
102009.090606.1
102209.020526.6

Laying to Rest What Bears Repeating

Laying here
Body stretched naked and aching
Trying to slow the beat of my heart
Trying to chase a melody
To corners dark
Putting it to bed... Dirt to Dust
     Insistent beat to the slide of steel on steel
     To soft tapping like raindrops on the frets of my guitar
Putting her to bed
That I might do the same

My neck aches
Feet throb
It's hard to imagine I have reached that age
I feared at ten
     feared at twenty
     feared at thirty
     come to accept at forty-nine
I wish only to sleep
And sleep long
I wish only to dream
Close my eyes
Shut off thought
Sleep
Dream
Rinse
Repeat
And when I get to the bottom
I go back to the top of the slide
When I stop and I turn
And I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom
And... return to the end
Of another day
Body aching. Naked and stretched
Across the universe
Struggling to erase the pains
Of another day
Wishing only to close my eyes
Shut off thought
Chase sleep down long corridors
And dream...
Rinse and repeat
And like a glutton
Return for yet more

Rinse

Repeat


Rinse



Repeat


ELAshley
100809.11000006
Revised & Extended
100909.113521.6

The Product of Great Conversation

"A Lovely Lunch"


They are susurrations
Like the soft tremble of leaves
The clatter of lips
And the songs they sing, I discover
Have found place in my mind
And will not leave

They sit at table, our susurrations
Diners whose conversations
     —Songs of communion in passing
While the moments between us
And there she sits just inches away
Her lips a’tremble in a soft delicacy
Of words, more filling than
The plate before me

Some are simply beautiful
Some are merely flawless
Yet only a few manage to rise above
That cacophony of sameness that is
Our manufactured ideals
Of perceived beauty
There are those—and few they be
For whom grace is as
The trembling of leaves—
     The simple grace of a moment of
Exquisite inspiration
     The straight line is mundane
     In a forest of rigid conformity

She speaks
And even the tenor of her voice
Testifies of this grace
And I am...

     But then, no
That isn't me
I am enthralled of no one
     —This is what I tell myself
For I am not worthy of such notice

Every artist is unworthy of his gift
Though he be blest with sight few others understand
He should know the difference between
Intrigue and Infatuation
     —I remind myself of this often

We sit at our ease
The table laid
Unseen plates starving for our attentions
The waiter bent and listening
And she silent beside me

The focus of our love
—That ray of sunshine
Two chairs down and across, laughs
And I feel better for wishing her farewell
I say goodbye to too many
And this is who I am
Always saying goodbye
Yet afraid to say hello for fear of it
And beside me, that other lovely
Insists I face my fear

I am intrigued
I know the difference between
Intrigue and Infatuation,
     —I remind myself again
But her eyes are exquisite
And I cannot help but look
So I remind myself yet again
     —You know the difference, Eric
     You know the difference

How, then, to clear the palette?
     —I ask this as I begin to sketch
It has always worked in the past
     —Exorcise the imagery,
Draw it out and give it body
The susurrations of lips and silver
And the honest enjoyment of her voice

So I take the picture
Pull it from my mind
And put it to bed
Where are all the ghosts I've laid
Remembered with fondness, but
No longer a flame to fan my heart
For I've learned the susurrations of the heart are dangerous
And I've come to know the difference
Between intrigue and infatuation...
Until next time,
But it was a lovely lunch



ELAshley
091109.071226.6
Revisions:
091309.100017.1
091309.014056.6
091509.090908.6